Operation Getaway

One of these days I’m going to start writing on this blog and actually stick to it. I told myself that when I finally did create a blog I would try to write on it at least once a week. Clearly that has not been the case. I have realized that I only feel the NEED to write when I’m passionate about something. Usually about an event that happens or sometimes when I’m frustrated or angry. Most of the time, I still don’t publish what I write.

This is one occasion that I just HAVE to write about.

Operation Getaway!!!

Where do I even begin? I don’t think I can accurately put into words how much that weekend meant to me, or how much it meant to my relationship with Ian. 

Ian and I can’t stop talking about how much fun we had and I still have all those amazing women on my mind. We only spent about 48 hours together but I miss them!

We got to talk, get to know each other, and share our stories. For the first time since Ian and I have been together I got to sit down with not just one person, but several people who understand and can relate when I talk about personal care aides calling out at the last minute. They understand what it’s like to be super busy or too tired to help someone take a shower, get dressed, get into bed, etc… and still do it anyway because who else is going to do it? Who else could do it better? 

The best part about it was that these women chose to be with/stay with a man who uses a wheelchair to get around and might need a little help doing certain things. 

Just. Like. Me.

These ladies are totally, 100 percent, whole heartedly in love with their men, wheelchairs and all.

They GET it!!!

The Facebook group page that we’re all on is fantastic. It’s been a huge help to be able to get on there and read that people are going through and thinking the same things as me. However, it’s a completely different experience when you meet these people face to face. It’s different when you see them with their significant other.

This experience was amazing for Ian as well. He may not come out and say it quite like that, but I don’t think he’s had that much fun hanging out in a really long time.

This past year has been huge for him and I’m so proud of how far he’s come.

Since moving into our house (and not living with his parents), continuing school, and joining the Facebook group page (seeing that there are other people who have similar struggles as him), AND surfing this past summer, his confidence has skyrocketed!! 

Sure, he has crappy days when he doesn’t feel well or he’s dealing with severe nerve pain. Those are the days he hates everything about being in that chair. But he’s been so much more open about how he feels and I think because of that, those days are few and far between. 

This past weekend was great for him because he made new friends who can relate to everything he goes through. 

Those guys GET it too.

I love that us girls got together, talked and connected, but while that was happening, it seems that the guys kind of did the same.

They shared how they got injured or why they’re in a chair, how they transfer, drive, and different accessible recreational activities they enjoy. It was really cool to see!

While the men were hanging out doing guy stuff (watching football, snacking) on Saturday, us ladies went off to enjoy girlie stuff. We were treated to manicures and pedicures; we all got pretty fall colors, then enjoyed pumpkin spice lattes from Starbucks and took pictures before heading back to the retreat and conference center.

                                      We went to dinner at a super fancy restaurant.

 On the way back Dana and I giggled and chatted in the back seat of our van while the two quads in the front tried to “navigate” to find a 7-eleven and our way back to where we were staying.

 So. Much. Fun.

When we got back we all went outside. Some made s’mores, some drank wine. Mike played his harmonica and Dana got embarrassed :-). At one point we all sang parts to bohemian rhapsody. 

Good times!

I feel like we all kind of bonded that night. I love that!

After we went inside us ladies continued drinking our wine. We got chatty and giggly and the guys just got bored I think. 

We stayed up and kept our guys up probably way too late, but that’s okay. They were good sports about it and we appreciated that!

It was way past due and well deserved. We had a blast!

Spending that time with those ladies was very special. I felt so connected to them. I think that even if we had met randomly and didn’t have this common bond, that I would still choose to be friends with them all. We all got along so well.

I remember when Ian and I first started dating and people would tell me that I was such a special person. I still hear it from time to time from friends and family. I get told how inspiring we both are and all that.

I’ve always known that I’m a nice person and how caring I can be, but I never felt THAT much different than anyone else.

I never understood what people meant about how loving, and caring, and special I supposedly am. I never got what the big fuss was about.

I mean, I know I can be sweet and all. Yes, I know that I’m in a committed relationship with a man in a wheelchair. I know that I’m his caregiver and that can sometimes require a lot of work.

Big whoop!

You can’t help who you fall in love with. I am deeply, deeply in love with my wheelchair using Boyfriend and I can assure you, MOST of the time I am the lucky one in this scenario.

I can be stubborn and pig headed. I whine and complain A LOT. I usually have to have things MY way and if I don’t, I usually get very upset about it. I am emotional and I cry quite a bit over silly things.

I’m no angel, people.

Ian deals with all my craziness and he loves me anyway. He’s the best!

The point I’m getting to is this: I hardly acknowledge my good side. I always think about what a handful I can be sometimes. I never understood what everyone meant about me until I met Dana, Sarah, Janice, Antonella, Amy, and Sib.

I saw myself in all of them. They are caring, strong, smart, beautiful, empathetic, and compassionate women. They are deeply in love with their Husbands and would do anything for them.

These are all qualities that I possess but maybe sometimes don’t realize it. 

We are kindred spirits. We are bonded. We are like Sisters.

So I miss them. I love them. And I can’t wait to get together and spend more time with them in the future.

I hope that Jackie (the incredible woman who put this all together) knows how much this meant to all of us. I hope she understands that this has touched all of our hearts and that we will never be able to thank her and the other ladies that helped out all weekend, enough.

I hope to be a part of events like this again. It was an absolutely AMAZING experience and I feel like a better person because of it!

                                   The beautiful scenery. Perfect all the way around. 

 

 

 

Life Rolls On- “They Will Surf Again”: Ian’s Return to the Ocean

By now everyone who knows me is probably aware of how much I love, respect, and admire my Boyfriend. This past weekend brought my admiration for him to a whole new level.

Let me start by saying this: if you haven't heard about the Life Rolls On Foundation before, look it up NOW! It is just an INCREDIBLE organization!   

Here's the story:

Last year, shortly after we had moved down to Virginia Beach, we heard that our new friends Dana and Mike would be in town and that Mike would be participating in a surfing event. I asked Ian if he wanted to partake in the event, but he quickly shot down the idea. Since we still hadn’t met Dana and Mike in person (we met through their awesome blog- if you haven’t done so yet, check it out!) and we had been wanting to go down to the beach anyway, he agreed that it would be fun to go see what it was all about.

I had heard of the Life Rolls On foundation before and knew they did a surfing event, but I didn’t know much more than that. When we got down to the beach last year, I realized just how huge this event really was.

 We met up with Dana and Mike. Dana was volunteering so she was in the water for most of the morning. We hung out with Mike and watched the surfers do their thing. It was a lot of fun. Unfortunately we were still unpacking and setting up our new house and Mike wasn’t scheduled to go out until later in the afternoon, so we had to leave before we saw him surf.

This year, it was a completely different experience.

August 10th, 2013-

When we got down there Saturday morning and figured out what team Ian was on, we headed down to the tents where they read off all the thank you’s to the sponsors, and led a beautiful prayer in both English and Hawaiian. 

Ok, now we were set and ready for the day! 

Throughout the day we sat on the beach, enjoyed the beautiful weather, and watched a whole crowd of awesome people get out in the water and experience surfing.

 

We got to hang out with our friends, and Ian’s family, and we met a few new, fun friends. We even had the opportunity to meet the founder of Life Rolls On. What a great guy!

I was on spray bottle duty that day, trying to cool down the boys who don't sweat. I think he and Ian both appreciated my skills with the spray bottle…. Or maybe it was the ice cold water inside the spray bottle that they appreciated, haha. 

Y'all, it was freakin' HOT!! 

We ran into our friends Robin and Ben, and watched Ben take his turn in the water! This is the group shot right after :-) 

 

Okay, so Ian’s original time to get out in the water was 3PM. We had let everyone know that morning that they needed to be there by 3 to see him surf. 

At around 1PM they called his name to go because some people had second thoughts and didn’t take their turn or some didn’t show up at all. 

We were still waiting on several friends to get there.

I almost started to panic. Almost. 

Reason I love this foundation #487- they were completely willing to work with him. There was no rush and they were SO understanding. Ian wanted his friends there and didn’t want to go out until they showed up. Everyone working there were totally ok with that. 

We made some quick phone calls and made sure that everyone tried to get there as quickly as they could. They moved his time to 2:30.

The time had finally arrived- it was Ian’s turn to go! We were still waiting on a couple friends but we couldn’t wait any longer. We were all so super excited!

Before I go any further, let me explain something real quick...

Ian is paralyzed from the middle of his chest down and has limited use of his arms and hands.

He can’t grip the surfboard. 

He can’t tread water.

If he fell off that board and no one was there to help, I’m pretty sure he’d sink!

I think it’s safe to say he may have been slightly terrified.

Would ya look at this face... he looks a little concerned

I have been trying to talk this dude into going swimming in a pool with me for the past year and a half and he has absolutely refused. He had a fear of the water, hadn’t been out in the ocean since before his accident, and here he was about to go out and take on these waves. 

Umm... Ok, now I was getting a little nervous!!

It didn’t take long for me to relax, though. Once I saw how hard the volunteers were working and I witnessed how amazing these people are, I enjoyed every minute of it.

Ian was surrounded by people who love and support him. We were scattered all along the side of the beach where the orange flag was flying. Go orange team! 

We were photographers and videographers and between all of us, I think we documented his every move.

There were cheers and clapping of hands and tears welling up in eyes hidden behind dark sunglasses.

It was a beautiful moment that none of us will ever forget.

My man was so brave. The minute he got on the board and hit the water, all of his fears washed away with the tide. He was happy, he was excited, and he was free.

I can’t put in to words how incredibly proud and amazed I was of him that day.

I wish I could bottle up all that energy that was in the air, in that moment, and carry it around with us forever.

I feel so privileged to have had the chance to be a part of such a huge moment in Ian’s life and to have been able to share it with such wonderful people.

When I look at all the pictures and videos that were taken, I am filled with such pride and admiration. Ian was lying on his stomach holding himself up on the board.

I mean, check this guy out!

This is something that he’s not comfortable with and can barely do on land, in the comfort of our own home, much less out in the ocean with waves coming right at him.

He made it look so easy, which I know it was not. Oh, and if I’m not mistaken, he caught Every. Single. Wave. 

I’m one proud Girlfriend, let me tell ya!!

I’m going to remember that during his time out in the water, the love of my life was filled with the most joy, excitement, and happiness, and was wearing the biggest grin I have ever seen since I’ve known him.

I just love this smile!

I will never forget all of the support and love from everyone who was on the beach that day, as well as the people who sent their support via text or facebook.

I am SO very thankful for the volunteers and everyone who works at Life Rolls On. Those guys are amazing and are the ones who made this day so special for Ian. They made sure he was safe and had an amazing time and were there cheering him on through the entire thing!

Would y'all take a look at the expressions on their faces? And in the above photos? I think they were almost as excited as Ian!

Seriously, how awesome is that?! 

I’m SUPER thankful for Jesse Billauer for creating such an incredible foundation and for truly making a difference in a lot of folks lives. Dude is a rockstar! For real.

What an incredible day! 

 

When we got home that evening, Ian thanked ME for the day he had just had.

What?? I didn’t feel like I had done anything. I was just there. 

He said that I supported and encouraged him throughout the entire day and that he was so grateful I was there.

I really didn’t know what to say other than I will ALWAYS be here to support and encourage him. That’s my job.

He's my superstar. My hero. And he was thanking me?!

 

Now that I’ve had time to think about it- Ian, in response to that, I want to say thank YOU, my love. You deserved this day! 

There are a lot of things that you have to deal with on a daily basis that some people don’t even know about, and you do it with a positive attitude and smile on your face.

You have to put up with me.

 ALL of me. Emotions and mood swings and all.

You have seen the best and very worst of me and you have always been there to lift me up and pull me out of some pretty dark times and you do this effortlessly. 

You support, encourage and inspire me daily. You are my rock, my best friend, and I don’t know what I’d do without you.

So, anytime I have to chance to give you a day like you had last weekend, I’m there! Sign me up. I’ll be the one front and center, in your corner, cheering you on. All day, every day if I could.

If I can get a glimpse of that ear to ear smile you had, it will make it all worth it to me!

You are the most amazing person I know and you deserve all the happiness in the world! I’m on a mission to make sure you have as many days like that as possible! Time to find more adventures, babe!!

Who says anything is impossible just because you’re in a wheelchair? My quadriplegic Boyfriend just conquered his fear of the water. He just proved that anything IS possible!

Our Life

                           

 Our Story began just like any other love story does. We met, we dated, and we fell in love. Although we may be a little different than the average couple and have challenges and obstacles that arise from time to time, at the core of everything we have our love. We love and respect each other deeply and with everything we have. At the end of the day that’s all that matters. 

I’ll start from the beginning…

My Boyfriend, Ian and I met on an online dating website 2 years ago this August. I had done the whole bar scene and went on dates with guys I had met through mutual friends and all that fun stuff. I had been single for about 4 years and obviously nothing else was working so I decided to sign up to this dating site as a last resort. To be honest I didn’t think anything would come of it. I had tried various dating sites in the past and never had any luck.

It was around 3 and a half years after Ian was injured that he and I began emailing with each other. The fact that he was in a wheelchair didn’t make any difference to me. He was a regular person just like any of the other men on there. Actually, he might have been a little more normal than some of them. Definitely nicer. Oh, AND much better looking :)

I was instantly drawn to him. After we exchanged numbers we texted with each other every day and even had a few long phone conversations. From the very beginning he had a way of making me feel special and wanted and cared about. At the time we lived 2 hours apart but after talking for a couple of weeks we both really wanted to meet each other in person.

Our first date was at Joe’s Crab Shack in Fredericksburg. How romantic, I know. That wasn’t the original plan. We were going to try out a Thai restaurant but when we got up there realized that the particular restaurant we had picked out was in downtown Fredericksburg on a steep, steep hill with no available handicap parking spots. That wasn’t going to work. So Joe’s Crab Shack it was.

This was a first date so naturally there were some nerves flaring. I had the typical first date jitters. I wondered if I looked pretty enough and smelled nice and I really really hoped that I said all the right things. But there was also an extra bit of nervousness because this date was different than what I was used to.

I knew a little about paralysis due to being in a brief but toxic relationship with a paraplegic when I was young. I prayed that Ian wouldn’t be anything like that guy and thank God he isn’t! I had also done some volunteer work at a physical rehabilitation center a few years before. Although I had never met anyone who was a quadriplegic.

  

Going into it I didn’t have much of an idea on what to expect. Ian had let me know ahead of time that he would need some help. I’m sure there was some nervousness on his part because he didn’t know how I would handle the situation. I didn’t mind helping him one bit. He’s great with explaining and directing people how to lift or maneuver his body. I was just so nervous that I would do something wrong or hurt him somehow. 

When we got to the restaurant I helped him transfer from the driver’s seat to his wheelchair and down the ramp of his van without any major malfunctions. I felt pretty good about that. For the record, I didn’t injure him or myself in the process. I was quite proud of myself.

Once we were inside and settled at our table most of the nerves just melted away. Besides having to grab his fork and cuff from his bag and helping him cut up his dinner, I didn’t notice his disability. That wheelchair disappeared for a while and I was just enjoying having dinner with a really great guy. He was super sweet and so funny. It was the best first date I had ever been on.

Here we are almost 2 years later and I couldn’t imagine my life without him. We have been through so much together just in this past year alone since moving in together but I believe it’s made us stronger.

Most of the time we go about our daily lives and I feel like we are your normal late 20 somethings couple. Ian is a full time student and I work full time. We have a very large, crazy, hyperactive puppy. She’s our big baby and we love her to pieces. I cook, clean, sometimes get out in the garden, and I even organize when I have the time and urge to do so. Normal stuff. 

However, there are a lot of things that set us apart from others. 

Everything about my Boyfriend’s day to day life is different. Ian is a C5-C6 quadriplegic. He is paralyzed and can’t move and has limited feeling/sensation from the mid-chest down. He also has limited use of his arms (he has biceps but no triceps) and has no finger function.

What that basically means is he needs help with a lot of things throughout the day and night. After having done these things for so long and so often, they have become almost second nature. I could do most of these things in my sleep. In fact, I have helped him at some point half asleep, in the middle of the night, or all hours of the morning. It’s become routine like everything else in day to day life.

Ian has an aide that comes in to assist him with his needs during the day while I’m at work.

At least, he’s supposed to have an aide come in daily...

We’ve had major problems with the agency that provides those aides but I will get to that story another time. 

Anyway, I am Ian’s caregiver in the evenings after I get home from work.

On a typical day when everything has gone smoothly before I get home, I go back in to my boyfriend’s office and sit on his lap facing toward him. We talk about our day and usually cuddle and hold each other for a bit. I love that part of my day. 

After that I’m usually busy until it’s time for bed.

I make sure Ian’s water bottle is full and his leg bag has been drained. Then I let the dogs outside. I make dinner, cut it up for him and make sure his special fork and cuff are on the table. After dinner I clean up the kitchen, make sure coffee is set to brew for the morning, feed and take care of the dogs. That’s along with laundry, loading/unloading the dishwasher, taking out the trash and recycling, cleaning, etc.

Before bed I make sure Ian's water bottle has enough water for the rest of the night. Then I assist him with transferring. What I basically do is lift his leg and slide a wooden board under him. Then I hold the chair steady and make sure he’s balanced and doesn’t fall in the floor. He does the rest of the work himself. Once he’s in bed I help him get undressed and prop his feet up with a pillow. I turn him if he wants to be turned and prop his back up with another pillow and a wedge pillow between his knees. There are a lot of pillows in our bed by the end of the night! Luckily he only has to be turned on his side once before we fall asleep. I make sure he gets his meds and finally at the end of a long day I get to crawl in bed to relax and cuddle with the coziest person I know. This is my absolute favorite part of the entire day.

That sounds like a lot but most days it’s really not that bad.

Sure, it can be frustrating at times, I’m not gonna lie. I get worn out and overwhelmed. Sometimes I feel guilty if I sit down for too long or get tired and want to take a nap instead of cooking a fancy dinner. I feel like I’m being lazy if I don’t come home and get things done around the house like hanging up pictures and planting my vegetable garden. I feel lazy if the house isn’t spotless. Especially when I know we’re expecting company. 

Oh my lord, I’m turning into my Mother!

There are evenings when I’m snappy and there are times that Ian is cranky. We have both been irritated at the same time. He might be tired, frustrated, or feel like crap. I might be having an off day and be hormonal and bitchy and get pissed off if he looks at me wrong. 

It’s happened.

Those days are to be expected from time to time. That’s the life we live. We eventually sit back and talk about it. I usually cry and then we move on.

I’m not writing this blog for people to read it and feel sorry for us. We’re getting by just fine without anyone’s pity party thank you very much.

It has made a tremendous difference in my life to be able to get online and read blogs and posts from some amazingly strong women who are living in similar situations. It feels so great to be able to relate and understand fully what these women go through on a daily basis. It makes me feel like I’m not so alone. I really love to write and if there is any chance that my blog could help someone else who may be in the same position that I was a year ago or even now, then that’ll be worth it to me.

I also hope that my friends and family who are curious or worry about what our life is like can read this and understand that while we do go through times that are rough and frustrating, and even though we may do things a little different, we still have fun and enjoy life. There are more happy times than there are sad.

Being with someone who has a disability certainly has its challenges. My Boyfriend and I have been living together for almost a year. It has been hard and trying on both of us. We have grown and learned so much about ourselves and each other during this time. 

I embrace everything in our life that is normal, but I also embrace the things that are different. There are so many things in our lives that are out of our control. So the things that are in our control I am going to take it and run with it.

This life we live is a juggling act and I am definitely learning as I go. It’s taken me almost a year to finally feel somewhat balanced but I’m getting there. Our life is beautiful and it is imperfect and I'm totally okay with that.

Above everything else, Ian and I are very much in love and are dedicated to one another. We work very hard to keep our relationship strong and bonded. That right there is what makes it all worth it!